just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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