Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize