You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
