: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
