She's JV to your varsity
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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