He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
