your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
