that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
