i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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