I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
