i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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