I haven't been this sober since birth.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
