MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
