can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
