If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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