sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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