remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
