i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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