omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
