I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
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Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
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The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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