Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
