Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
