he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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