my vag is so smooth its legendary
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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