I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
