Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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