Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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