I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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