I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize