I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
