I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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