i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
