I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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