Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
