i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
