That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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