I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
