My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
