Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
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He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
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There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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