It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
