just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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