while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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