I have demons in me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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