I got chris browned last night
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize