textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
