you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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