dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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