Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Two words: blizzard sex
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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