I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
