My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
