oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
