Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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