Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
