I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
