That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
