I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
