I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
two words...techno handjob
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
