508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
