i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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