If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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