we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
