Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
