Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
