it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
time to smoke my breakfast
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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