Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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