It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
