We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My vagina is very pro this idea
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
