oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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